Tonight a little after midnight would have been my first child’s 11th birthday. She was a full term stillborn. You would think the mourning would get easier over the years but it doesn’t.

This year Aaron and I are doing a very good job in communicated our feelings about the baby. We started a little ceremony tonight that I hope we will continue each year to remember our daughter on this night. We read several verses of Psalms and lit a candle as well. We spent some time just sharing our feelings and thoughts about her. It was very healing for both of us.

Happy 11th birthday my dear daughter Nechama. I know that you are in a very happy place and can’t wait to meet you again after 120…

Aaron wrote a beautiful post on his new website. Thanks for sharing your feelings honey.

Rivky had a few days off for mid-winter vacation. Rivky and I both went to a new dentist – always fun but good to take care of while she had off. She had her first cavity and filling and did very well. The dentist specials in pediatrics and was very calm and patient with her. (Thanks Stephanie for the referral.) I’m glad we switched dentists. She really didn’t like the old one. She would probably have been screaming had she had to have a cavity filled with him.

Today she spent the day with her best friend and had fun. Mommy also got a much needed break.

The snow has stopped so hopefully there will be school tomorrow.

I’ve been improving emotionally slowly but surely. I still have alot of exploring to do as to where we hold on trying for another child. How far are we willing to go financially, emotionally, etc. For right now I’m happy that I’m getting stronger.

My sisters have been wonderful to me through all this. As hard as it is to watch their families grow year by year they’ve really came through for me recently with love and support. Here are a few of the tanglible gifts they’ve given me to help cheer me up.

These flowers where delivered on Friday – so stunning.

This card really touched my heart. My sisters have shared with me how I was like a mother to them growing up. I’m second to oldest and have always been motherly even as a little girl.

These are some soothing lotion, a mist spray and a candle inside a lamp shade – very relaxing when lit. I know my sisters don’t read this blog but just wanted to say I love you guys and thanks for being here for me.

We haven’t gone out yet to celebrate either of our birthdays although we may go out next week to see Madagascar 2. It looks pretty funny.

I thought I’d show off some more needlework that I’ve done in the past. I did this cross stitch after Rivky was born. It was the hardest needlework I’ve ever done. It started out as a blank white canvas with instructions of where to stitch each stitch. Lots of counting and redoing stitches were involved. I don’t even know how I managed to do this while dealing with the early sleep deprivation days.

I must say the end results are pretty cute. I was nice to be able to customize it as well with Rivky’s birth stats. Don’t know if I’d ever attempt to do such hard needle work again though.

Seriously though, it’s high time that I got back into the swing of things with posting to the blog. I’d like to thank my lovely wife Malky for filling in for me.

I went to the doctor today for my post op follow up (try saying that 10 times fast) and everything looks good. He told me to continue with the Clomid for the next month then a month after that I need to have a blood test taken to see how things stand. He seemed pretty confident that everything will be good.

On another note, I only gained 3 pounds over the holidays.